Going into this weekend, it is the First Weekend. The FIRST {normal life} weekend, since I found out. It's been 2 months and 3 days. And this is the first weekend, that has not been Retrouvaille related, albeit it the 3 day weekend, the 6 weeks of post sessions, or our first CORE last weekend. I almost feel lost. Lonely. Like my lifeline has a little bit of extra slack in it and I am not sure I like it not pulled taught. We have plans this weekend, nothing huge really. Just our sons Pinewood derby tomorrow morning And an Easter event with the kids and friends tomorrow afternoon, but, it's the first weekend, that our marriage isn't the #1 topic. And in reality, it won't be again until April 20th. That's forever away. Can I make it that far? Do I have the strength to overcome this without that weekly lifeline? I hope so. I know that if I ask, God will be RIGHT here to carry me again. He's been holding my hand occasionally, but I haven't asked to be carried in a couple of weeks now. That means I am in a somewhat better place.
I've spent the past 8 weeks, the darkest 8 weeks of my life, with complete strangers, turned friends, turned people who has shared my worst days with me. People who understand my feelings and what I am going through and know the hard work I am putting in to correct and make this better. Because they too, are fighting the same uphill battle. I will miss them this weekend. I will miss the security of Retrouvaille. The feeling of safety.
Maybe I should go for a walk or run this weekend............. Let's remember WHO I really was before January 19th 2013 and am I still in there??
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