I am really trying hard to get back in the game. It's so hard when life knocks you down, to get back up. I feel as if there are weights sitting on top of me as I lay down and can't gain the strength to get back up again. Slowly but surely, I am going to get back up. I've been on the right dosage of meds now for about 7 weeks, and I am feeling more and more like me. Our family dynamic, although still struggling is better. Of course, it will be quite a while for our family to completely, if ever, overcome infidelity. I think that's normal. I also think it's normal for me to have both good and bad days. Our CORE meeting is on Saturday and I am really looking forward to being back with my safety line again.
Considering my 1/2 is coming closer and closer each breath that I take, I thought Now is the time Kym. DO THIS. Another part of the reason, was the Boston Bombings. What kind of sick psycho did this to us?? Really, it's just horrible. Our children have experienced more acts of terrorism in their short lives, then I ever remember dealing with at their age. So very sad. So, as my heart is breaking for those who passed away because of this act, and those 170+ others who are injured. Some critical, some serious, and some just minor, regardless, they have been put in the center of something that never should have happened. I can't do anymore then pray for all of those involved and pray that this person, whoever he/she/they are, are caught and punished. To honor those, I got on my shoes, and said, TODAY (well yesterday really) is the day I am going to release that weight. If they can survive that, then I can survive this.
I was surprised when I turned on my NIKE app and it had been 12 days since my last run/walk. (let's not forget that before that 12 days, it had been Since January 17th, 2 days before my hell began) So much for that day being my restart huh?? blah.
Yesterday was a crappy rainy, chilly day. 49 degrees and it was almost 7pm, but we have to put mind over matter and stop using excuses. Here goes nothing!!
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The RUN SUCKED. Really, it did. it was horrible. I thought I have the C25K program running, when in reality I have the 10K program running. SO my first run, I run well over a block, thinking, this is WAY more then the 60 seconds I should be running. Stopped, checked it out, and yes, it was 10k, which was five 8 min runs. Um.. Not happening. So I went back to the 5K one, but was already frustrated by then. Then the dam phone rang and I missed a running interval I probably only did 3, not even full intervals, before I gave up and just started walking the rest of the way. I guess anything is better then nothing, so here are my sad, sad starts for the day yesterday.
A 15 min mile is horrid.
And here is me post workout as I am walking into the house. So disappointed in myself :(
I'll get there again. Although I feel better, I still really miss that confident Kym. Knowing what my future held.
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