Triggers

Hubby's work truck broke down 2 days ago. Bad enough, that it's going to be out of commission for a couple of days until they figure something out, so he's pulling flatbed for now. Which is fine. This is a huge trigger for me though.The last time his truck broke down to this degree, it was December. December 18th to be exact. He didn't have to work, because there wasn't enough for him to pull flatbed, so he stayed home. Then sent me a text saying that they needed a specific part for the truck, and asked Mike to drive out to Tonawanda to pick it up for them. Odd, But Ok. I seriously thought nothing of it at all. A few hours later he called to tell me that he went to Tim Horton's while he was out there, and the drive thru lane was too long, so he went in to order, while he was there, he ran into a gal he used to teach religion with, so they sat down and had coffee together. Why did he feel the need to tell me this piece of info? Because my dad's wife, Cheryl, my stepmother, saw him. With another women. NOW I know all of that was a lie. I was being played, I was a fool and gullible as can be, because I trusted my husband with my whole heart. Trusted that he would never lie to me, so dumb little me, believed every single word out of his mouth. Even a week later on Christmas eve when Cheryl mentioned it to me about Mike being with someone else, I still never thought in a million years that my husband would cheat on me. Idiot that I am, didn't see it, even when Cheryl clearly did. She saw it clear enough that she even called my dad that day and told him. If only I was able to read through the lines then. Although. Really, would it change things now? He was already cheating with HER. He had already had an emotional affair with someone else by that time. He had already kissed her, so in reality, It wouldn't have stopped the hurt or the pain. BUT I would have known a month sooner. I wouldn't have been played as long. Everything happens for reasons. There are reasons why it did the way it did, for which I am grateful. 

Anyway, the point being -  when something as simple as his truck breaking down, which is a simple meaningless nothing to him, Brings me right back to the "real" reality of what has happened to us. Reminds me that my heart still hurts and breaks and brings tears to my eyes. Somedays, most days actually, all is really well, but there are those moments, that remind me, Kym, You ARE only 3 months out from DDay, give yourself time to heal. It's Ok to be sad and upset, and it's OK to have triggers.